Recover.

I don’t know what to do. I am in tears I am so stressed out from work. I am so miserable. I...

Wed, 19 Jun 2013 21:05:15 -0400

I don’t know what to do. I am in tears I am so stressed out from work. I am so miserable. I got really excited about a nanny job, but nothing seems to be happening with it. I feel like I am stuck where I am and there is nowhere else I can go. I really don’t even know if I want to work with children anymore in a center setting. I am just so unhappy where I am. I am so tired of not being respected or appreciated-day in and day out. I have no idea what else I would do. I have 4 years experience working with kids, and that’s it. I don’t want to throw it all way either.

I am so lost, and so unhappy with my life right now. I don’t see any light at the end of the tunnel. I cannot live like this.

I hadn’t had an anxiety attack in awhile, but I did today. I don’t feel anything...

Wed, 22 May 2013 20:31:03 -0400

I hadn’t had an anxiety attack in awhile, but I did today. I don’t feel anything anymore. Only apathetic. I feel like I either go backwards, or stay stuck. I have been letting myself believe that I have my anxiety under control, but I really don’t think it is. I have less symptoms, but it is still holding me back.

I’m not happy.

Things are starting to fall apart. I guess I’m not too surprised. If this continues, I’m...

Fri, 26 Apr 2013 20:03:05 -0400

Things are starting to fall apart. I guess I’m not too surprised. If this continues, I’m done. I’ve drawn the line, and I will not feel like I did before because of someone else ever again. You picked your bed, now lay in it. Alone.

Being a asshole all day, figuring out Im pissed off-trying to say you were joking all day does not...

Sat, 20 Apr 2013 22:20:37 -0400

Being a asshole all day, figuring out Im pissed off-trying to say you were joking all day does not make it better. Im not stupid, and Im still pissed.

I just want to be snuggled.

Thu, 11 Apr 2013 21:25:04 -0400

I just want to be snuggled.

Not only do I love your blog ( heh found it ) but I also am secretly infatuated with you. K. here we go I got this idea from a spam msg I received on Facebook lol.. I know you like me but were always way too shy to say so :3 go hit up crushmasher(dót)com (uhh it wont let me do a regular link) then make an acct there. Search for the profile 'justmeandu33' ( obv me ) I posted body pix.. if u can figure out who I am msg me and we'll kick it. CC required for age but it is free. (annoying i know)

Thu, 11 Apr 2013 21:23:55 -0400

Um, no.

Depression is kind of choking me tonight. I watched Teen Mom 2 and stuff that happened triggered...

Tue, 02 Apr 2013 21:26:12 -0400

Depression is kind of choking me tonight. I watched Teen Mom 2 and stuff that happened triggered feelings I dont want to think about. Meh. Trying to push them away.

“The first question I ask myself when something doesn’t seem to be beautiful is why do I think it’s not beautiful. And very shortly you discover that there is no reason.”

Tue, 26 Mar 2013 19:09:06 -0400

ronakeller:

- John Cage

I’m feeling very calm and content right now. I can’t remember the last time I’ve...

Mon, 25 Mar 2013 22:23:32 -0400

I’m feeling very calm and content right now. I can’t remember the last time I’ve felt like this. I really needed this vacation. I’m glad that I didn’t really do much after all. I’m always on full speed, and I finally got to slow down. I am bummed I didn’t make it to ny, but if I had gone, I would have still been strung up and on full speed, which isn’t what I needed. I feel good right now. Only thing that could make me calmer is if my stupid room was clean, but Icahn deal with this for now.

Stressstressstress… Tomorrow, just go okay please. I want to have a good time and take...

Thu, 21 Mar 2013 22:31:35 -0400

Stressstressstress… Tomorrow, just go okay please. I want to have a good time and take pictures and just not stress. Please.

The dream I just had has me very confused.

Sun, 17 Mar 2013 09:21:34 -0400

The dream I just had has me very confused.

I just cut myself accidentally when I was shaving. No matter how long it’s been blood pouring...

Sun, 10 Mar 2013 22:35:01 -0400

I just cut myself accidentally when I was shaving. No matter how long it’s been blood pouring out of my skin always feels so good. It’s never going away.

Started taking my medication again, and its helping. I’ve had a lot more energy since I...

Fri, 08 Mar 2013 19:11:59 -0500

Started taking my medication again, and its helping. I’ve had a lot more energy since I started taking them again so I guess I can’t complain.

I really wish I felt like I could talk to Charlotte. I have so much going on in my head. Last week I...

Sun, 03 Mar 2013 22:17:18 -0500

I really wish I felt like I could talk to Charlotte. I have so much going on in my head. Last week I felt myself falling back into the fog of my anxiety and depression. I hadn’t felt the way I did since I was in high school and it kind of scares me. Once I fall, I can’t get myself back out because it gets too deep. I don’t want that to happen again. I don’t want to feel like I have to hurt myself, and I don’t want to feel like I don’t want to be here anymore.

I think I’m just as confused as you are.

Sun, 03 Mar 2013 20:50:42 -0500

I think I’m just as confused as you are.

the-struggle-makes-youu-stronger: Alternatives for when you’re...

Thu, 21 Feb 2013 19:42:06 -0500

the-struggle-makes-youu-stronger:

Alternatives for when you’re feeling angry or restless:

Scribble on photos of people in magazines

Viciously stab an orange

Throw an apple/pair of socks against the wall

Have a pillow fight with the wall

Scream very loudly

Tear apart newspapers, photos, or magazines

Go to the gym, dance, exercise

Listen to music and sing along loudly

Draw a picture of what is making you angry

Beat up a stuffed bear

Pop bubble wrap

Pop balloons

Splatter paint

Scribble on a piece of paper until the whole page is black

Filling a piece of paper with drawing cross hatches

Throw darts at a dartboard

Go for a run

Write your feelings on paper then rip it up

Use stress relievers

Build a fort of pillows and then destroy it

Throw ice cubes at the bathtub wall, at a tree, etc

Get out a fine tooth comb and vigorously brush the fur of a stuffed animal (but use gentle vigor)

Slash an empty plastic soda bottle or a piece of heavy cardboard or an old shirt or sock

Make a soft cloth doll to represent the things you are angry at; cut and tear it instead of yourself

Flatten aluminium cans for recycling, seeing how fast you can go

On a sketch or photo of yourself, mark in red ink what you want to do. Cut and tear the picture

Break sticks

Cut up fruits

Make yourself as comfortable as possible

Stomp around in heavy shoes

Play handball or tennis

Yell at what you are breaking and tell it why you are angry, hurt, upset, etc.

Buy a cheap plate and decorate it with markers, stickers, cut outs from magazines, words, images, what ever that expresses your pain and sadness and when you’re done, smash it. (Please be careful when doing this)

Alternatives that will give you a sensation (other than pain) without harming yourself:

Hold ice in your hands, against your arm, or in your mouth

Run your hands under freezing cold water

Wax your legs

Drink freezing cold water

Splash your face with cold water

Put PVA/Elmer’s glue on your hands then peel it off

Massage where you want to hurt yourself

Take a hot shower/bath

Put tiger balm on the places you want to cut. (Tiger balm is a muscle relaxant cream that induces a tingly sensation. You can find it in most health food stores and vitamin stores.)

Alternatives that will distract you or take up time:

Say “I’ll self harm in fifteen minutes if I still want to” and keep going for periods of fifteen minutes until the urge fades

Color your hair

Count up to ten getting louder until you are screaming

Sing on the karaoke machine

Complete something you’ve been putting off

Take up a new hobby

Make a cup of tea

Tell and laugh at jokes

Play solitaire

Count up to 500 or 1000

Surf the net

Make as many words out of your full name as possible

Count ceiling tiles or lights

Search ridiculous things on the web

Colour coordinate your wardrobe

Play with toys, such as a slinky

Go to the park and play on the swings

Call up an old friend

Go “people watching”

Carry safe, rather than sharp, things in your pockets

Do school work

Play a musical instrument

Watch TV or a movie

Paint your nails

Alphabetize your CDs or books

Cook

Make origami to occupy your hands

Doodle on sheets of paper

Dress up or try on old clothes

Play computer games or painting programs, such as photoshop

Write out lyrics to your favorite song

Play a sport

Read a book/magazine

Do a crossword

Draw a comic strip

Make a chain link out of paper counting the hours or days you’ve been self harm free using pretty colored paper

Knit, sew, or make a necklace

Make ‘scoobies’ - braid pieces of plastic or lace, to keep your hands busy

Buy a plant and take care of it

Hunt for things on eBay or Amazon

Browse the forums

Go shopping

Memorize a poem with meaning

Learn to swear in another language

Look up words in a dictionary

Play hide-and-seek with your siblings

Go outside and watch the clouds roll by

Plan a party

Find out if any concerts will be in your area

Make your own dance routine

Trace your hand on a piece of paper; on your thumb, write something you like to look at; on your index finger, write something you like to touch; on your middle finger, write your favorite scent; on your ring finger, write something you like the taste of; on your pinky finger, write something you like to listen to; on your palm, write something you like about yourself

Plan regular activities for your most difficult time of day

Finish homework before it’s due

Take a break from mental processing

Notice black and white thinking

Get out on your own, get away from the stress

Go on YouTube

Make a scrapbook

Colour in a picture or colouring book.

Make a phone list of people you can call for support. Allow yourself to use it.

Pay attention to your breathing (breath slowly, in through your nose and out through your mouth)

Pay attention to the rhythmic motions of your body (walking, stretching, etc.)

Learn HALT signals (hungry, angry, lonely, tired)

Choose a random object, like a paper clip, and try to list 30 different uses for it

Pick a subject and research it on the web - alternatively, pick something to research and then keep clicking on links, trying to get as far away from the original topic as you can.

Take a small step towards a goal you have.

Alternatives that are completely bizarre. At the least, you’ll have a laugh:

Crawl on all fours and bark like a dog or another animal

Run around outside screaming

Laugh for no reason whatsoever

Make funny faces in a mirror

Without turning orange, self tan

Pluck your eyebrows

Put faces on apples, oranges, or other sorts of food

Go to the zoo and name all of the animals

Color on the walls

Blow bubbles

Pull weeds in the garden

Alternatives for when you’re feeling guilty, sad, or lonely:

Congratulate yourself on each minute you go without self harming

Draw or paint

Look at the sky

Instead of punishing yourself by self harming, punish yourself by not self harming

Call a friend and ask for company

Buy a cuddly toy

Give someone a hug with a smile

Put a face mask on

Watch a favorite TV show or movie

Eat something ridiculously sweet

Remember a happy moment and relive it for a while in your head

Treat yourself to some chocolate

Try to imagine the future and plan things you want to do

Look at things that are special to you

Compliment someone else

Make sculptures

Watch fish

Let yourself cry

Play with a pet

Have or give a massage

Imagine yourself living in a perfect home and describe it in your mind

If you’re religious, read the bible or pray

Light a candle and watch the flame (but please be careful)

Go chat in the chat room

Allow yourself to cry; crying is a healthy release of emotion

Accept a gift from a friend

Carry tokens to remind you of peaceful comforting things/people

Take a hot bath with bath oil or bubbles

Curl up under a comforter with hot cocoa and a good book

Make affirmation tapes inside you that are good, kind, gentle (Sometimes you can do this by writing down the negative thoughts and then physically re-writing them into positive messages)

Make a tray of special treats and tuck yourself into bed with it and watch TV or read

Alternatives for when you’re feeling panicky or scared:

“See, hear and feel”-5 things, then 4, then 3 and countdown to one which will make you focus on your surroundings and will calm you down

Listen to soothing music; have a CD with motivational songs that you can listen to

Meditate or do yoga

Name all of your soft toys

Hug a pillow or soft toy

Hyper focus on something

Do a “reality check list” – write down all the things you can list about where you are now (e.g. It is the 9th November 2004, I’m a room and everything is going to be alright)

With permission, give someone a hug

Drink herbal tea

Crunch ice

Hug a tree

Go for a walk if it’s safe to do so

Feel your pulse to prove you’re alive

Go outside and attempt to catch butterflies or lizards

Put your feet firmly on the floor

Accept where you are in the process. Beating yourself up, only makes it worse

Touch something familiar/safeLeave the room

Lay on your back in bed comfortably (eyes closed), and breathe in for 4, hold for 2, out for 4, hold for 2. Make sure to fill your belly up with air, not your chest. If your shoulders are going up, keep working on it. When you’re comfortable breathing, put your hand on your belly and rub up and down in time with your breathing. If your mind wanders to other things, move it back to focusing ONLY on the synchronized movement of your hand and breathing.

Give yourself permission to…. (Keep it safe)

Alternatives that will hopefully make you think twice about harming yourself:

Think about how you don’t want scars

Treat yourself nicely

Remember that you don’t have to hurt yourself just because you’re thinking about self harm

Create a safe place to go

Acknowledge that self harm is harmful behavior: say “I want to hurt myself” rather than “I want to cut”

Repeat to yourself “I don’t deserve to be hurt” even if you don’t believe it

Remember that you always have the choice not to cut: it’s up to you what you do

Think about how you may feel guilty after self harming

Remind yourself that the urge to self harm is impulsive: you will only feel like cutting for short bursts of time

Avoid temptation

Get your friends to make you friendship bracelets: wear them around your wrists to remind you of them when you want to cut

Be with other people

Make your own list of things to do instead of self harm

Make a list of your positive character traits

Be nice to your family, who in return, will hopefully be nice to you

Put a band-aid on the area where you’d like to self harm

Recognize and acknowledge the choices you have NOW

Pay attention to the changes needed to make you feel safe

Notice “choices” versus “dilemmas”

Lose the “should-could-have to” words. Try… “What if”

Kiss the places you want to SH or kiss the places you have healing wounds. It can be a reminder that you care about myself and that you don’t want this

Choose your way of thinking, try to resist following old thinking patterns

The Butterfly project- draw a butterfly on the place(s) that you would self harm and if the butterfly fades without self-harming, it means it has lived and flown away, giving a sense of achievement. Whereas if you do self-harm with the butterfly there; you will have to wash it off. If that does happen, you can start again by drawing a new one on. You can name the butterfly after someone you love.

Write the name of a loved one [a friend, family member, or anyone else who cares about you] and write their name where you want to self harm. When you go to self harm remember how much they care and wouldn’t want you to harm yourself.

think about what you would say to a friend who was struggling with the same things you are and try to be a good friend to yourself.

Make a bracelet out duct tape, and put a line on it every day (Or any period of time) you go without self harm. When it’s full of lines, take it off and make a chain out of all the bracelets and hang it up somewhere where you can be reminded of your great progress.

Alternatives that give the illusion of seeing something similar to blood:

Draw on yourself with a red pen or body paint, or go to a site such as this, where you ‘cut’ the screen (be aware that some users may find this triggering, so view with caution)

Cover yourself with plasters where you want to cut

Give yourself a henna or fake tattoo

Make “wounds” with makeup, like lipstick

Take a small bottle of liquid red food coloring and warm it slightly by dropping it into a cup of hot water for a few minutes. Uncap the bottle and press its tip against the place you want to cut. Draw the bottle in a cutting motion while squeezing it slightly to let the food color trickle out.

Draw on the areas you want to cut using ice that you’ve made by dropping six or seven drops of red food color into each of the ice-cube tray wells.

Paint yourself with red tempera paint.

‘Cut’ your skin with nail polish (it feels cold, but it’s hard to get off)

Alternatives to help you sort through your feelings:

Phone a friend and talk to them

Make a collage of how you feel

Negotiate with yourself

Identify what is hurting so bad that you need to express it in this way

Write your feelings in a diary

Free write (Write down whatever you’re thinking at that moment, even if it doesn’t make sense)

Make lists of everything such as blessings in your life

Make a notebook of song lyrics that you relate to

Call a hotline

Write a letter to someone telling them how you feel (but you don’t have to send it if you decide not to)

Start a grateful journal where everyday you write down three: good things that happened/ things that you accomplished/ are grateful for/ made you smile. Make sure the journal is strictly for positive things. Then when you feel down you can go back and look at it.

Maybe free time isn’t what I need. Today I just really don’t want to be here anymore. I...

Thu, 21 Feb 2013 18:56:16 -0500

Maybe free time isn’t what I need. Today I just really don’t want to be here anymore. I had a good time with Renee, but now I have nothing to do and my head won’t stop.

I just want to be happy. I want to know what direction to take. I want to feel alive. I want all of this to stop.

Less than 5 mins away from me for the night, and you still can’t come see me, even though you...

Thu, 21 Feb 2013 18:51:54 -0500

Less than 5 mins away from me for the night, and you still can’t come see me, even though you “fucking miss me soo damn much.” Yeah, clearly asshole.

"Be kind to yourself. Stop telling yourself that whatever you are struggling with “should” be easy...."

Wed, 20 Feb 2013 21:09:36 -0500

“Be kind to yourself. Stop telling yourself that whatever you are struggling with “should” be easy. If something is hard for you, it is hard for you. There are probably Reasons, though those may just be how you are wired. Acknowledge these things. When you finish something hard, be proud! Celebrate a little.

And really, just stop saying “should” to yourself about your thoughts and feelings in any context. You feel how you feel. The things in your head are the things in your head. You can’t change either directly through sheer force of will. You can only change what you do. Stop beating yourself up for who and what you are right now–it isn’t productive. Focus on moving forward.

”

- How to keep moving forward, even when your brain hates you. (via soaphie)

umistakemeforstraight: fearfullittleloverr: A psychologist...

Mon, 18 Feb 2013 12:48:03 -0500

umistakemeforstraight:

fearfullittleloverr:

A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they’d be asked the “half empty or half full” question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: “How heavy is this glass of water?”

Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.

She replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.” She continued, “The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything.”

It’s important to remember to let go of your stresses. As early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don’t carry them through the evening and into the night. Remember to put the glass down!

I think this just changed my life.